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I'm devastated…I'm depressed and I need to sleep…It has been two days since I have slept well….it has been two days of nightmares…I'm so worried and I can't have a clear mind…I even don't know how am I writing this post…It has been about a week with acidity in my stomach every day…I see death waiting for me.
The story is so complicated and ramified but I'll try to clear it without mentioning names and places.
It started about 10 days ago when we knew for sure that I and some of my colleagues will be transferred to other governmental clinics at the borders of Baghdad and we will stay at those clinics for two years then we will get back to Baghdad…I didn't care about it so much, in fact I didn't think about it and didn't want…I didn't want to worry my self. Seven days ago I knew where I'm going to be transferred and that really worried me…I'll have to work in a district that is one of the main strongholds of AlMahdi army and it's almost out of Baghdad…I got scared a little but I comforted myself by thinking that my name to my 10th grandfather do not indicate whether I'm a Shiite or a Sunni so I can say that I'm a Shiite and a fanatic one…I bought a sliver wedding ring instead of the gold one that I wear (It's a forbidden in Islam for men to wear gold so Sunni and Shiite fanatics might be annoyed by it and they might cause troubles for me...normal Muslims will not make a big deal about it) and I bought a silver ring with a gem stone because this will indicate that I'm a Shiite and above all my mother is a Shiite although this will not count because the father is what counts, in addition to that I have two Shiite friends who will be working with me and I felt that they will save me if something happened…. I must say that I hate to talk about sects and that really disgusts me but I have to do that in order to tell the story….we have to talk about sects at these ugly times.
three days ago we went to the district's main office which is considered to be in Baghdad, this office is responsible and managing all the governmental clinics in that district which makes up about quarter of Baghdad…we were 4 Shiites, 2 Sunnis and one Christian…we were all friends and we have been together for more than 6 years. On our way there I noticed that I haven't seen a single police car or Iraqi army Humvee, I haven't seen any Americans, in fact, I haven't seen a single soldier of any of the above….I haven't seen a single checkpoint in that area or even a traffic police!!! I swear to god I haven't seen any….all the way I spotted 6 members of the awakening in two silly checkpoints…and that really worried me because this indicated that the area is still under control of AlMahdi army.
I used to think that I know Baghdad well…but not anymore, I haven't seen these areas before…it was so scary because if one was followed it's a sure thing he can not escape, the signs and writings on the walls indicated that Muqtada rules here….one of the signs really got my attention it was the picture of Muqtada and under it was written "he who will not support this turban…will regret it in the judgment day"?!! Anyway, we reached the main office and we had to meet the manager but he was in an important meeting so they told us that we must come tomorrow…on our way back one of the office's guards stopped us and asked me "do you work for the UN? Are you Iraqi?" I smiled and said in a very Iraqi accent "you made me laugh…sure I'm Iraqi and I'm a pure one" I thought to my self: that's great now, they think I'm a foreigner…It's better than thinking I'm a Syrian because it's a sure thing they will beat me to death.
Next day we went there, each one went alone…so I reached a little late and two of my friends have met with the manager before I got there…I asked them "what did he said to you?" they told me that he talked the same old crap that we should be good and work daily and fix what's wrong…blah blah blah, those two were Shiites but one of them carries a Sunni's name and I'll call him X …at that time another friend came who had a Shiite name so we both went inside to meet that manager…he welcomed us and said literally " I remember the first day that I was transferred to the borders of Baghdad…I thought to my self at that time that it's something hard and I'll suffer but believe me it's not that hard and it's the beginning of your great career…..etc. I don't know what you have heard about this place but believe me whoever talks about sects and says that one is a Sunni and this one is a Shiite is so dirty and my shoes are better than him, there is no such thing here and I'll support you if anything happened and I assure you that nothing will happen" and he looked at me and said "are you the one that X told me about?" I smiled and said "what did he told you? X didn't said anything to me" and he continued " we want to build a good country and we depend on you, the young doctors because you can make the change, it's not like what it used to be before in the border's clinics…you must work everyday and you must treat the patients because everything you need you will find it there….etc" and then he decided in which clinic we will work and I told him that I want to be with X because he is my friend and we would go together and he accepted…there are three dental clinics that he can put us in and all of them are in areas that is totally under the control of AlMahdi army…me and my friend shook hands with him and as we were leaving but he gestured to me to stay… I stayed and he said "X told me that there will be two Sunnis coming, you are a Sunni right? Don't worry nothing will happen and if you want me to put you in another place that's OK" I smiled but inside me there was great fear "NO NO, it's OK I can go anywhere I have no problem, there is nothing that I fear, I don't have to fear, the Sunnis X told you about didn't come yet" I'm sure I looked nervous and I'm sure it was so clear that I was lying because he caught me off-guard …. X didn't tell about this and I didn't think that I'll be asked this specially by the manager who is an old doctor…he smiled in a way that made me absolutely sure that he didn't believe me and said" it's your call…you can go now" I went out of the office and I have never felt such fear…even when the sniper targeted me and my wife I didn't feel that scared, if the manager speaks like this what will I see when I start working in that damn clinic? And if he really doesn't care about sects why would he ask about it? He is a big manager and managers don't talk like this…In Iraq it's a shame to talk about these things specially among the educated people and people with high authorities…if he really doesn't want to harm anyone he would ask that…it's a clear thing that he have bad intensions…. I see a kidnapping or death after being tortured in the near future…It's OK if I was killed with a bullet in the head…I wouldn't feel it and it would be quick but that wouldn't happen…I'll be tortured for days before they kill me…god damn it….what will I do, what will happen to my wife? What will happen to my parents?
I called X and asked: why didn't you tell about that, why didn't you tell me that you said that to the manager and he said "I forgot"!!!! God damn you, why did you even told him that there are two Sunnis, couldn't you tell him that we are all Shiites? He said "he thought that I was a Sunni because of my name so I told him I'm a Shiite and then he asked me are there any Sunnis and I told him that there are two" (I'm sure he gave our names too, he didn't just said there are two Sunnis) what's wrong with you X, we are friends how could you do that? It was so easy to tell him that we are all Shiites how could he know that you are lying? He said" don't worry nothing will happen, he just wanted to know so that he puts you in a better place" are you that naïve X??? All the clinics he can put us in are in a pure Shiite area and under total control of AlMahdi army…X, this is a matter of life and death how could you do that? What can I do now? If I went there I'll be killed or in the best situations be oppressed and you know I can't quit because I need to work and you know It's almost impossible to be transferred somewhere else…you have destroyed me X, and you have destroyed me at the first day and at the first chance, I wanted to be with you because you are my friend and I though you will protect me I never though that you will be the first one to expose me? He said" Oh Mohammed, don't worry and don't make it a big deal…come and work nothing will happen, come on my responsibility, the manager is secular haven't you heard him saying that he hates who talks about Shiites and Sunnis" Oh my god X, but he did, twice.
I don't know what to do…I don't want to go there…I'll be killed, I'll try to find someone who accepts bribes and transfer me to another area …I'll use my escape money for that bribe it's true that I want to leave Iraq now if I could…I'll apply for the Jordanian visa tomorrow and it will take a month but everyone says that my chances aren't higher than 10% because most of the visas applications have been rejected, why would they give me a visa and they have returned me twice? If I couldn't go to Jordan where could I go? Lebanon is the second gate for Iraqis but it's so so expensive. If I'm assured that I can leave Iraq I'll quit immediately but I'm not. If anyone can help with that please do it. I know the wisest thing to do is to leave Iraq as soon as possible because I had enough of this shit…If I live here another year I'll end up either dead or suffering from serious mental illness. I'm so depressed, and I feel hopeless…I can't see a way in which I can leave Iraq…Help me god, I'm suffering…if I stayed like this I'll suffocate and die.
The story is so complicated and ramified but I'll try to clear it without mentioning names and places.
It started about 10 days ago when we knew for sure that I and some of my colleagues will be transferred to other governmental clinics at the borders of Baghdad and we will stay at those clinics for two years then we will get back to Baghdad…I didn't care about it so much, in fact I didn't think about it and didn't want…I didn't want to worry my self. Seven days ago I knew where I'm going to be transferred and that really worried me…I'll have to work in a district that is one of the main strongholds of AlMahdi army and it's almost out of Baghdad…I got scared a little but I comforted myself by thinking that my name to my 10th grandfather do not indicate whether I'm a Shiite or a Sunni so I can say that I'm a Shiite and a fanatic one…I bought a sliver wedding ring instead of the gold one that I wear (It's a forbidden in Islam for men to wear gold so Sunni and Shiite fanatics might be annoyed by it and they might cause troubles for me...normal Muslims will not make a big deal about it) and I bought a silver ring with a gem stone because this will indicate that I'm a Shiite and above all my mother is a Shiite although this will not count because the father is what counts, in addition to that I have two Shiite friends who will be working with me and I felt that they will save me if something happened…. I must say that I hate to talk about sects and that really disgusts me but I have to do that in order to tell the story….we have to talk about sects at these ugly times.
three days ago we went to the district's main office which is considered to be in Baghdad, this office is responsible and managing all the governmental clinics in that district which makes up about quarter of Baghdad…we were 4 Shiites, 2 Sunnis and one Christian…we were all friends and we have been together for more than 6 years. On our way there I noticed that I haven't seen a single police car or Iraqi army Humvee, I haven't seen any Americans, in fact, I haven't seen a single soldier of any of the above….I haven't seen a single checkpoint in that area or even a traffic police!!! I swear to god I haven't seen any….all the way I spotted 6 members of the awakening in two silly checkpoints…and that really worried me because this indicated that the area is still under control of AlMahdi army.
I used to think that I know Baghdad well…but not anymore, I haven't seen these areas before…it was so scary because if one was followed it's a sure thing he can not escape, the signs and writings on the walls indicated that Muqtada rules here….one of the signs really got my attention it was the picture of Muqtada and under it was written "he who will not support this turban…will regret it in the judgment day"?!! Anyway, we reached the main office and we had to meet the manager but he was in an important meeting so they told us that we must come tomorrow…on our way back one of the office's guards stopped us and asked me "do you work for the UN? Are you Iraqi?" I smiled and said in a very Iraqi accent "you made me laugh…sure I'm Iraqi and I'm a pure one" I thought to my self: that's great now, they think I'm a foreigner…It's better than thinking I'm a Syrian because it's a sure thing they will beat me to death.
Next day we went there, each one went alone…so I reached a little late and two of my friends have met with the manager before I got there…I asked them "what did he said to you?" they told me that he talked the same old crap that we should be good and work daily and fix what's wrong…blah blah blah, those two were Shiites but one of them carries a Sunni's name and I'll call him X …at that time another friend came who had a Shiite name so we both went inside to meet that manager…he welcomed us and said literally " I remember the first day that I was transferred to the borders of Baghdad…I thought to my self at that time that it's something hard and I'll suffer but believe me it's not that hard and it's the beginning of your great career…..etc. I don't know what you have heard about this place but believe me whoever talks about sects and says that one is a Sunni and this one is a Shiite is so dirty and my shoes are better than him, there is no such thing here and I'll support you if anything happened and I assure you that nothing will happen" and he looked at me and said "are you the one that X told me about?" I smiled and said "what did he told you? X didn't said anything to me" and he continued " we want to build a good country and we depend on you, the young doctors because you can make the change, it's not like what it used to be before in the border's clinics…you must work everyday and you must treat the patients because everything you need you will find it there….etc" and then he decided in which clinic we will work and I told him that I want to be with X because he is my friend and we would go together and he accepted…there are three dental clinics that he can put us in and all of them are in areas that is totally under the control of AlMahdi army…me and my friend shook hands with him and as we were leaving but he gestured to me to stay… I stayed and he said "X told me that there will be two Sunnis coming, you are a Sunni right? Don't worry nothing will happen and if you want me to put you in another place that's OK" I smiled but inside me there was great fear "NO NO, it's OK I can go anywhere I have no problem, there is nothing that I fear, I don't have to fear, the Sunnis X told you about didn't come yet" I'm sure I looked nervous and I'm sure it was so clear that I was lying because he caught me off-guard …. X didn't tell about this and I didn't think that I'll be asked this specially by the manager who is an old doctor…he smiled in a way that made me absolutely sure that he didn't believe me and said" it's your call…you can go now" I went out of the office and I have never felt such fear…even when the sniper targeted me and my wife I didn't feel that scared, if the manager speaks like this what will I see when I start working in that damn clinic? And if he really doesn't care about sects why would he ask about it? He is a big manager and managers don't talk like this…In Iraq it's a shame to talk about these things specially among the educated people and people with high authorities…if he really doesn't want to harm anyone he would ask that…it's a clear thing that he have bad intensions…. I see a kidnapping or death after being tortured in the near future…It's OK if I was killed with a bullet in the head…I wouldn't feel it and it would be quick but that wouldn't happen…I'll be tortured for days before they kill me…god damn it….what will I do, what will happen to my wife? What will happen to my parents?
I called X and asked: why didn't you tell about that, why didn't you tell me that you said that to the manager and he said "I forgot"!!!! God damn you, why did you even told him that there are two Sunnis, couldn't you tell him that we are all Shiites? He said "he thought that I was a Sunni because of my name so I told him I'm a Shiite and then he asked me are there any Sunnis and I told him that there are two" (I'm sure he gave our names too, he didn't just said there are two Sunnis) what's wrong with you X, we are friends how could you do that? It was so easy to tell him that we are all Shiites how could he know that you are lying? He said" don't worry nothing will happen, he just wanted to know so that he puts you in a better place" are you that naïve X??? All the clinics he can put us in are in a pure Shiite area and under total control of AlMahdi army…X, this is a matter of life and death how could you do that? What can I do now? If I went there I'll be killed or in the best situations be oppressed and you know I can't quit because I need to work and you know It's almost impossible to be transferred somewhere else…you have destroyed me X, and you have destroyed me at the first day and at the first chance, I wanted to be with you because you are my friend and I though you will protect me I never though that you will be the first one to expose me? He said" Oh Mohammed, don't worry and don't make it a big deal…come and work nothing will happen, come on my responsibility, the manager is secular haven't you heard him saying that he hates who talks about Shiites and Sunnis" Oh my god X, but he did, twice.
I don't know what to do…I don't want to go there…I'll be killed, I'll try to find someone who accepts bribes and transfer me to another area …I'll use my escape money for that bribe it's true that I want to leave Iraq now if I could…I'll apply for the Jordanian visa tomorrow and it will take a month but everyone says that my chances aren't higher than 10% because most of the visas applications have been rejected, why would they give me a visa and they have returned me twice? If I couldn't go to Jordan where could I go? Lebanon is the second gate for Iraqis but it's so so expensive. If I'm assured that I can leave Iraq I'll quit immediately but I'm not. If anyone can help with that please do it. I know the wisest thing to do is to leave Iraq as soon as possible because I had enough of this shit…If I live here another year I'll end up either dead or suffering from serious mental illness. I'm so depressed, and I feel hopeless…I can't see a way in which I can leave Iraq…Help me god, I'm suffering…if I stayed like this I'll suffocate and die.
45 comments:
It makes me very, very sorry to hear of what you are going through. I wish there was something I could say, some good advice or suggestion but you seem to know already what your choices are and that they are not that great.
Do try to get out of Iraq, that would seem the best choice. And otherwise try to get a transfer to another location than the one you have been assigned so that you can keep working. Can you possibly get to remain where you have been so far?
That manager could be a good man but he could also be bad. That he was "fishing" for your sect seems suspect and it could be to pass the information on to criminals and thugs. I suggest you trust your gut feeling and do not trust the man. Too much is at stake. Do NOT go there Mohammed.
I am so sorry you have to live through this. I truly hope Iraq gets through this dark period and that things will improve so that you can live your life in peace. Until then I hope you manage to get out or at least stay safe.
//Marcus
Oh man, Mohammed! Can you pull some strings and get transferred elsewhere? I'm sorry that's happening to you. Stay vigilant.
Mohammed, this is not good news. I'm sure you want to strangle X by now. And you are right, prolonged stress is very bad for you. I really wish I could help, but I know nobody in the ME. All I can post for now are some exercises to help you calm down a bit. They work OK for me:
" Deep breathing helps to facilitate relaxation and calm intense emotional states. Shallow breathing leads to increased anxiety and stress, whereas deep breathing slows you down and provides more oxygen to your body.
Begin by breathing normally, but paying attention to each breath. After several breaths, begin to breathe more deeply - longer inhalations and longer exhalations. With deep breathing, you breathe from your diaphragm, from your gut. Notice the three parts to your breathing - your chest rises, your ribs expand, and your belly rises as you breathe in. Place your hands for several breaths on your chest, then your ribs, and finally your belly, to feel the breath moving through you. Breathe deeply and slowly, focusing all of your attention on each breath. Don't rush it or breathe quickly. As you exhale naturally, allow any tension to leave you with the breath. Imagine the tension draining from your body and mind as you exhale. Notice the feeling of calm and relaxation that comes with exhalation."
http://www.rochester.edu/UCC/help/info/breathing.html
Just try calm down for now, and maybe you can think better about your situation.
My thoughts are with you.
The fact that these messages have been published means that you are still alive and able to access a computer, thank goodness. How are you feeling? What do you think of doing? What if you called in "sick" and relied on the others to hear how things went?
Hey what's the process for getting you a visa to the U.S. or a country in Europe? Would it help if a citizen of those countries invited you? There are many opportunities for a dentist (in fact my hygenist in the US is Iraqi).
I'll help if I am able.
Mohammed,
I'm sorry to hear that...what can we do or say this is our destiny and we have to accept it as long as we have no choices outside Iraqi.
I just want to shed the light on two things you mentioned in your entry for non-Iraqi readers.
"I bought a sliver wedding ring instead of the gold one that I wear (they believe it's a sin for a man to wear gold) and I bought a silver ring with a gem stone because this will indicate that I'm a Shiite"
This gives the indication that only Shiites wear silver rings while it is one of our Prophet Mohammed's directions that men not to wear gold for many reasons have no space to mention them.
"All the way I spotted 6 members of the awakening in two silly checkpoints"
Awakening Councils are only formed in Sunni areas not in the Shiite ones and I think you know how their names are derived and they are changed now to Sons of Iraq.
So I think you saw members of al-Mahdi army in these two checkpoints.
Man, I strongly advice you to look into ways to have yourself transfered if you are 100 percent sure that they have discovered your sect...I'm sorry again to use this word but this is what our life has become...may God protect you.
This blog has been about finding a way to leave Iraq since the word go, I don't know if i can trust a word of that post.
Why didn't you mention the name of the place so we can verify if its really like you described it, Mohammed?
If you hate talking about sects that much , how come you mention the word sunni and shiite every 2 seconds?
Islam (not shiisme or sunnism) forbids men from wearing gold.
Hell, you could even come to South Africa. Although God knows we have troubles of our own. But there is a shortage of skilled medical staff.
Mayssam, its clear that Mohammed is extremely worried by his current situation. Your post is not helping things. The last thing he should do is reveal more details that could leak out to the 'wrong' ears.
Marcus,
I wish that too…He might be good but as it's a small percentage and there is a chance that he has bad intensions and since it's a matter of life and death then care should be taken.
Rhuslancia,
I'm trying to do that…I'll do whatever it takes to get transferred.
Bruno,
Thanx for the advice I always do the breathing technique.
Bruno,
Yes I'm alive thank you…you know Fridays and Saturdays are holidays in Iraq so there is no working and that means I don't have to go there…and I'll not go there unless it was necessary for my reassignment.
Galen,
Yes sure it can help but I need to go to Jordan or Lebanon first.
Baghdad's Kassakhoon,
About the silver wedding ring…you are right it's not only with Shiites but with Sunnis also. in fact the fanatic ones of the two sides…I just want a small argument with you…Allah sobhanaho wa taala in his Quran and his prophet Mohammed (PBOH) forbidden gold and silk on men…do you know why? Because it's a sign of luxury and it's expensive and Allah don't want Muslims to be wasteful, right? But just think about the many things we buy daily that isn't important for example it's not a sin to wear a platinum ring despite its more expensive than gold!!! This doesn't make sense to me and that's why I wear a golden ring….but you have a point in that I'll rephrase the line because it gives the indications that only Shiites care about this while both sect's fanatics cares about this.
About the awakening….I though that too, I though that they are only in Sunni areas but I discovered that there are in the Shiite areas but not as active as in the Sunnis areas…not all areas but in some of them…I asked my friends about the armed men and they said that they are awakening.
I'll do that…and I hate to use these words too…it makes me sick…but as I said these ugly times forced us to say those words.
Mayssam,
I don't know why I'm wasting my time answering you???!! First of all if you think like this about my blog then don't read it….I don't think that anyone forced you to visit it….you said from the word go!!!! Do you know that I have been outside Iraq and specifically in Jordan for more than a year and I returned to Baghdad…have you read my older posts? Or you just read this post and started throwing accusations on me and my blog….no it's not for leaving Iraq…it's for letting the world know what is happening in Iraq first of all because the mass media specially in the west mentions very few things about Iraq and they always makes it like a heaven and everything is going to be good and everything is getting better and second because I love to write, it makes me calm when I'm stressed and it gives me inner peace.
Did I say something so strange that you can't trust the words in this post? And I don't need you to trust it… I say what I have and it's up to you….hahaha you want me to mention where I have been assigned? Do I look that naïve? After I say where I have been assigned I'll upload my photo and show my face and write my mobile no.and home address so that within few hours I'll be dead….you really made me laugh…let's say I said that happened in X neighborhood would it makes any difference from Y neighborhood? You know these things DO happen in many areas and they happen in Sunni areas for the Shiites…this is not a secret on any one.
And you should know very well that I hate to use the words Shiite and Sunni and I said that in the post but the story had to be told and I have to say those ugly words…read my blog and you would see that I hate fanatics from both sides and attack both of them because both of them are killing innocent people.
Dr M
We do not need another dead Iraqi blogger.
Is there any way you could refuse to be transferred, just say no? Can you quit? Better a little hungry, than dead.
Maybe you can appeal to the lovely man that helped put you in this situation? You know, the one that keeps forgetting his words, um um ha,umm, and looks dumb. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh4s6i4-7dg
Why didn't he name the place? You mean like BlogIraq did? Three cheers for the thoughtlessness of your comment.
Mohammed,
Like Bruno, I believe you should take some sick leave - two weeks or so, starting now - to give you time to think.
I don't like the sound of this development at all. The clinic is in what is evidently a no-go area for even the Iraqi police; one of your colleagues betrays you on day one; the manager tries to lull you into a false sense of security with his very first remarks to you (as you say, Mohammed, if he didn't care about sects why mention it at all, if he didn't care why did he ask X if there were any Sunnis coming to his clinic?).
Perhaps X was trapped by the manager into divulging what he did but the fact is the "cat is out of the bag". I don't think that you should go to that clinic at all. I am afraid that I think that you would not last one week, perhaps not even one day, there. There is no one to protect you.
I seem to remember that one day when Zeyad was on placement in a clinic on the outskirts of Baghdad, gunmen burst in, and Zeyad survived only by making them believe that he was Shi'ite. He pulled it off, fortunately, but you might not.
You are a very talented and resourceful man, Mohammed, and a very nice man. You will succeed wherever you are, whatever you do. Now is not the time for thinking about having a career as a dentist all planned out, it is about "thinking laterally" and getting out. Iraq would be the poorer for losing you.
Mohammed,
Your life is Iraq is very trying! It is amazing how much ignorance and fanaticism we still have in this world. How much misunderstanding of religion and the basic principles of life. You are witnessing it first hand and it must be a difficult sight.
What I can offer to you is a simple method that will offer you peace of mind, clear your heart and will give you strength. I practice it every day even though I do not live in the conditions you do.
You can try it at in front of your computer:
http://www.sahajayoga.org/experienceitnow/default.asp
May God protect you!
Dennis
Mohammed, trust your feelings and instincts. Better be broke and poor than to be tortured and killed and your wife widowed.
Also Mohammed, could you ban this traitor house Iraqi Maysam. He/she despises Iraqi Sunni bloggers so I see no reason why he/she would be upset that another Sunni is trying to leave Iraq. It's also funny that he/she wants you to reveal your location. Weird.
Angel,
I can't say no, but I can quit…sure a bit hungry better than dead…but I'll try to be reassigned as soon as possible and I'll never go there unless it's a one visit to finish the reassignment process.
Indigo,
Thank you for the great comment and the nice words…it's really helpful…they will not give me a sick leave no matter what I'll do because I have just started working there…but I'll try to be reassigned, I'll do whatever it takes….and If I couldn't I will not go there and they will fire me …being fired and unemployed is better than dead.
Dennis,
I'll check it out…I always use the relaxing methods but they can't help in all the situations…writing is a great help for me…it really helps in distressing me and it helped this time too, I'm a bit calmer and more clear mined…at least I know what will I do…I like meditation too.
Your cousin Zeyad quit his job when it got too dangerous two years ago. He is now living and working safely in New York, I believe. I'm sure you can do the same with a little bit of determination.
Mohammed, you say that "I'll try to be reassigned as soon as possible and I'll never go there unless it's a one visit to finish the reassignment process."
Go where for one visit? Back to the main office or to the clinic you was assigned to?
I truly hope you don't have to go there at all. If they say you have to go there to be reassigned I think you should really think it through and only go if you feel it's 100% safe to do one visit. Like you say it might be a life and death situation and nothing is more important than that you do everything to stay alive.
I think Indigos comment above hit the spot. It seems weird the way the manager acted. Red flags all over the place. Please be really careful.
This horrible situation will end one day. The hate and the mayhem. It may take a long time yet, hopefully not too long, but some day it will end and there will be security. Iraq will need people like you when that day comes. Openminded professionals who wants all Iraqis to live in peace. Stay safe!
//Marcus
In situations like these, I think you have to go with your gut instinct. If you can pay a bribe to get a transfer to a safe clinic, then it's worth it. See how it goes with the visa to Jordan. Maybe you will be one of the lucky ones. Can your wife still get a British passport? Maybe you should bring her with you and try to convince them you want to go to Jordan for this purpose as you intended to do last time. Good luck and stick to your plan.
Oops, that last comment was from me.
mohammed,
this post is heartbreaking. i will try to help you as much as i can, and see what i can do for you & your wife.
as for rhuslancia and mayssam - we know where they're coming from.
mayssam is a disgusting sectarian shia and rhuslancia is a disgusting pro occupation american. they're good for vomit material.
will keep you posted for sure. give me a few days.
Marcus said, I truly hope you don't have to go there at all. If they say you have to go there to be reassigned I think you should really think it through
I came back to say this, too. I don't think you should go back. Pay someone to run this errand for you.
I imagine that your Christian colleague is not happy either about being reassigned there. Let's be honest: as things are at the moment, since the "Balkanisation" of Baghdad (thanks, Petraeus), and all the forces of law and order (apart from the militias) having abandoned that part of Baghdad, it is safe only for Shi'ites. Perhaps you could both argue that as a great deal of Iraqi public money has been spent on your education and training, your employers should not be reckless about your safety and should be careful that all that public funding does not go to waste.
Mohammed,
My fear for you was over shadowed by my indignation toward the post by Mayssam. Is this person in Iraq? Are they taking the risks you have to get the news out? Irony of ironies, your blog is what I rely on to get the real information day to day. You and the small conversations I get with my husband. It is so easy to sit in judgement and pass verdict on someone when your life is not in danger. Clearly in the months I have been reading your blog I see a patriot, so heart broken over what has been done to his country. To say it is just some manipulative effort to get yourself out of there is ludicrous at best. Just by writing you put yourself in danger. you are sacrificing for other Iraqis and hopefully for people like me so that we may know the truth. YOu are there because you love your country, warts and all. Being smart and well educated, if you were a lesser man, you would have been gone a long time ago.
I won't even begin to attempt to tell you what to do. I have not walked even a foot in your shoes and have no way of understanding beyond the infantile way I do what you are experiencing. I pray for your safety and to whatever God is willing to answer prayers to touch the hearts and minds of those who are ripping Iraq apart. What has been done is an atrocity and I have felt that way since well before the invasion. Unfortunately for a long time, i was in the minority, now I feel like I am again in the minority because I don't want to leave things the way they are. But I pray that the arrogance which has led my country to do this to your homeland dissipates and we see that we too have sinned.
I want to say one thing in defense of my country, or at least in the defense of people I know: not every American backed the Bush doctrine and many of us fought it. We were the minority abd fought to no avail. But these are the same people who will not abandon you after the ruling majority of our country has left you in such dire straits. And if need be, it is with us, the minority, where you can find a safe haven, if it comes to the point where you have to leave Iraq. I hope that you do not, as I am sure you do not want to leave your homeland.
well Mohammad, i don't know what to say, you understand the situation better then the majority of people here and have first hand experience of what happens when mistakes are made, its up to you know, god speed
Mohammed, I'm glad to hear that you don't have to go in today. I really, really hope things are working out for you. It's so frustrating to be thousands of miles away and being unable to help. This may sound like a very stupid question, but, is there no way to get in touch with Madhi people and somehow pay them to guarantee your safety if you had to deploy there?
Or would that be even worse?
Just keep safe.
Anon.,
I wish that too…I have the determination to make my life successful but sometimes especially in Iraq determination is not enough, one needs lots of luck and connections.
Marcus,
Sure I wouldn't go if it can be done by someone else....I have to wait and see what will happen with my tries to be reassigned.
LJM,
When applying for the Jordanian visa you don't meet anyone…you go to the TNT (shipping company) and they give you an application form you fill it and attach it with the documents that supports what you have said in the visiting reasons and you give it to them, then they would ship to the Jordanian ministry of anterior and they decide….Majority of the people who applied and wrote they want to visit an embassy or they have some business with any foreign embassy were rejected, it's funny, isn't it!!! I think I'm going to write that I want to go there to visit my family.
True Iraqi,
Thank you very much…I know you would do whatever you can.
About this Mayssam…I have never heard about her before…but it's clear that she is so stupid or let's say making her self stupid….she is like Aliraqia TV channel, don't you think? Trying to make everything looks good and anyone who says the situation isn't good is lying!!!
Indigo,
They wasting their money when they send us to such places without providing the safety…if the situations are better I swear I wouldn't mind going to a place that is 2 hours in car away from my home…I feel great happiness when I treat poor patients that can't afford going to private clinics…but since the situation is like this they should assign each dentist in his area of residency or the closest to it.
Blue army wife.,
Thank you very much for the nice words…May god bless you.
Andrew,
I think what needs to be said is "what a loss that Iraq became like this….what a loss Iraqis became like this".
Bruno,
Thank you very much or caring….I think it is possible if you know who to give the money to, but since I don't then it can't be done…and even if I knew that one, they are a militia and more like a gang, who can trust a gang that you pay them for your protection? They will never have enough and they might turn on you any second…and above all the salary don't worth it that much because they will not be satisfied by little, so I think this is not a good way to deal with the problem for me, this would be good for someone who makes a lot out of his business in that area.
I heard the interview with the Iraqi psychiatrist mentioned in this report on the BBC web site (the interview was broadcast at about 6.40am two days ago). Dr Amir Husain speaks the most beautiful English.
A shoulder to cry on in Baghdad, BBC 31 May 2008
At Baghdad's only psychiatric hospital, the chief consultant, Dr Amir Husain, has devoted the last five years to treating patients traumatised by the violence. ... He has a kind face and a soothing manner.
He nearly did not make it in to work today. An explosion near his home saw the streets sealed off by the army, so he abandoned his car and walked instead.
The day before, yet another colleague was killed. ...
At first, he is reluctant to talk about his own problems, but then he says: "I have lost my colleagues, my friends, some of my family... but we are used to it now. Our emotions have been frozen."
Mohammed, i agree w/those who says to follow your gut instincts. i would never go back there, it is better to be broke and homeless than what could happen to yout here. this is madness surely. if they didn't care about your sect why would they ask.
i am so worried for you. i thought of you and your wife recently when my first gardenia bloomed. think of the smell of it, to relax your mind. be strong w/courage always
annie
Mohammed,
This is a very worrying post. I don't blame you for being depressed. I hope you do not go back to that clinic. You have to find a way to leave Iraq. Always remember that your life is more important than any Job.
You gave a good reply to Mayssam, of course you cannot and must not give more information, you would be very naïve to do so. If they don't like what you write they can go elsewhere!
You wrote in your post "I used to think that I know Baghdad well…but not anymore"
This is not the Baghdad I knew or remember. Nobody cared what sect anybody was.......how things have changed for the worse!
Please take care of yourself. Your safety is paramount.
Um Ayad
As salam 'aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
Sabr wa toufik! You are in our prayers!
Please let us know if you have any news. I'm holding thumbs for you, Mohammed.
bruno:
stop acting like a 13 year old girl! you're maiking a fool of yourself!
I second Bruno's comment. Please let us know you are OK. I really, really hope you will get either a visa to Jordan or a reassignment to a clinic you feel safe going to. Best of luck!
//Marcus
Thank you guys for asking...I'm good regarding this issue...I didn't go to that new clinic and still waiting find a way to be reassigned and haven't applied for the visa yet.
Anon.,
what's wrong with you? what did bruno said so that you are saying that about him? do you think only 13 years old girls asks about someone if he is OK or not!!!!
Mohammed , Do your wife & yourself a favor and get the hell outta there ! If I was in your shoes in my country I would have been gone asap. I know that you love iraq but is it worth risking your life to stay there ? If it was I would have figured that you would have picked up a gun by now and joined in the fight for one side or another. It sounds to me like you have a little bit of money saved and a car head for the border now
Frank in chicago
Mohammed, it is good to hear you are OK. Let's hope that you manage to get reassigned. Best of luck.
As for that anonymous commenter, obviously he lives far away from any sort of danger and feels fit to issue thoughtless pronouncements on the serious situation of another human being. Yes, so I worry about what happens to Iraqis. If that makes me a 13 year old girl as opposed to an anonymous macho idiot somewhere in the middle of redneck country, so be it.
Dr. Mohammed,
I am a college student from New Jersey and I have been reading your blog for some time now. I just wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you, and for peace in Iraq. I am so sorry for what my country has done, but thank you for blogging so personally about the horrors you witness. I have spread word about your blog around my campus in order to increase awareness about what is actually going on. Stay safe, and I look forward to your next post!
-Kate
Absolutely right, Bruno.
Mohammed,
Good luck with the visa application and being reassigned.
Please know my best thoughts and prayers are with you.
-- Chris Em
Mohammed, I have a question about your post. You write:
"that's great now, they think I'm a foreigner…It's better than thinking I'm a Syrian because it's a sure thing they will beat me to death."
I was wondering. Are Syrians espacially disliked in Iraq?
If so, are they disliked by only Shiia fanatics such as the Jaish Al Mahdi or by Sunni fanatics as well?
//Marcus
Marcus,
well...No they are not disliked in Iraq but yoy know, during and after the war many Syrians came to Iraq to fight the US army...later some of them (who stayed alive) joined AQ or they were oringanlly with AQ...so I think I have answered your question...but most Iraqis (whether Shiites or Sunnis) likes Syrians.
Dear Mohammed, how are things going? Any luck in getting reassigned? Let us know, please. :)
Thank you Mohammed. That did answer my question.
All the best Mohammed. Here is yet another Iraqi problem -
http://www.tuc.org.uk/international/tuc-14873-f0.cfm
All I can say is: please, be safe. I wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart. I hope you find a way out of there, I don't think you should stay longer.
If you can't find a work outside Iraq there is always time to go back, maybe not to the same place but somewhere.
I don't know what to say.
Keep fighting.
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