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Yesterday I was in the most terrible horrifying situation . I don't know what to do to release the rage and pain tearing my heart apart , I thought that if I write a post about what happened it may make me feel better……
2 days ago me and my wife were talking about our memories and times together , and the memories even before we met each other , we remembered the life before the war and how the neighborhoods were , how beautiful most of them were , how much fun and safe Baghdad was , we talked for hours . both of us were so sad because we don't have photos for Baghdad before the war and the beautiful scenes in it , more than that we even don't have pictures for the last year !!which was a lot better than this one….. then a thought came to me , why don't I go on a quest to take photos for most of the areas of Baghdad ??? that would be a great documentary and then I might even write a post about it !!! so I told my wife and she get really angry about the thought she said :"are you crazy !!!! do you want to get killed , please don't go , pleeeease." So I told her I wouldn't. but the next day which was yesterday , I couldn't resist the temptation of this quest , every one knows me , when I want to do something I'll do it even if I know in my heart that it's wrong but I'm a kind of bull-headed , after I finished work I got to my car determined to visit most of Baghdad's neighborhoods , I took my handy cam and drove my taking amazing videos starting from the clinic I work in , I had taken a video of a police pick-up truck loaded with dead bodies and driving insanely fast with the policemen shooting at the air , and many other destructed sites in my way . I went through many neighborhoods , but I wanted to go to Al-Mansour neighborhood which was one of the most beautiful and classy neighborhoods in Baghdad which I heard that it's a wreck now , as I reached there I saw a mini bus in the middle of the street , there was glass around it , it was clear that this mini-bus was exposed to drive-by shooting so I concentrated my vision on it and pointed my handy cam.as I reached near the bus I heard gun shots!!!it was extremely close to me!!! I turned my head and I saw a police man pointing the AK-47 at me and shouting :"YOU , Stop right now , I swear by Ali I will kill you" I was very shocked and scared , I didn't know what to do.or what I have done wrong!!! I stopped then he approached with 3 other police men who were obviously members of Magaoer Il-Dakhelia (special forces of the ministry of interior), he approached the door and opened it , dragged me out of the car then pushed me against the car with very rough manner , then he pointed the rifle at my forehead between my eyes , screaming:"I swear I'll kill you if you move a thumb , you worth shit to me" till this moment I didn't know what have I done , I was unable to speak .meanwhile , one of the police men with him entered my car and carried the handy cam . After I got kicked and hit with the back of rifles , I knew that they are angry because I have video-taped their failure , they suspected that I'm Sunni but I lied to them and told them I'm Shiite as my name is not related to any sect , so they wouldn't find out. What tears my heart apart that I got insulted and abused verbally and physically by people from the lowest level of society and for no reason at all, just because they wanted to rub me!!!they took my handy cam and my mobile and refused to give it back to me , they stole them from me , they stole the handy cam which I worked hard for two months to afford it , I deprived my self to save money for the handy cam…and those despicable thugs stole it from me , I have never been humiliated like this before , that is so hard for me , I feel like I'm going to explode , they insulted me and rubbed me and there was nothing I could do , if I did anything they would kill me right away. That's unfair , that's too much for any man to handle , we have a famous say in Iraq (Hameeha Harameha) which is translated (who guards it steels it) , OH how true is that ….. will this ever end….but what I'm really sad about is my wife …. She is so depressed and afraid , she is very traumatized from what happened , she is having nightmares , I'm afraid that will affect her studying and exams , I don't know what to do.
2 days ago me and my wife were talking about our memories and times together , and the memories even before we met each other , we remembered the life before the war and how the neighborhoods were , how beautiful most of them were , how much fun and safe Baghdad was , we talked for hours . both of us were so sad because we don't have photos for Baghdad before the war and the beautiful scenes in it , more than that we even don't have pictures for the last year !!which was a lot better than this one….. then a thought came to me , why don't I go on a quest to take photos for most of the areas of Baghdad ??? that would be a great documentary and then I might even write a post about it !!! so I told my wife and she get really angry about the thought she said :"are you crazy !!!! do you want to get killed , please don't go , pleeeease." So I told her I wouldn't. but the next day which was yesterday , I couldn't resist the temptation of this quest , every one knows me , when I want to do something I'll do it even if I know in my heart that it's wrong but I'm a kind of bull-headed , after I finished work I got to my car determined to visit most of Baghdad's neighborhoods , I took my handy cam and drove my taking amazing videos starting from the clinic I work in , I had taken a video of a police pick-up truck loaded with dead bodies and driving insanely fast with the policemen shooting at the air , and many other destructed sites in my way . I went through many neighborhoods , but I wanted to go to Al-Mansour neighborhood which was one of the most beautiful and classy neighborhoods in Baghdad which I heard that it's a wreck now , as I reached there I saw a mini bus in the middle of the street , there was glass around it , it was clear that this mini-bus was exposed to drive-by shooting so I concentrated my vision on it and pointed my handy cam.as I reached near the bus I heard gun shots!!!it was extremely close to me!!! I turned my head and I saw a police man pointing the AK-47 at me and shouting :"YOU , Stop right now , I swear by Ali I will kill you" I was very shocked and scared , I didn't know what to do.or what I have done wrong!!! I stopped then he approached with 3 other police men who were obviously members of Magaoer Il-Dakhelia (special forces of the ministry of interior), he approached the door and opened it , dragged me out of the car then pushed me against the car with very rough manner , then he pointed the rifle at my forehead between my eyes , screaming:"I swear I'll kill you if you move a thumb , you worth shit to me" till this moment I didn't know what have I done , I was unable to speak .meanwhile , one of the police men with him entered my car and carried the handy cam . After I got kicked and hit with the back of rifles , I knew that they are angry because I have video-taped their failure , they suspected that I'm Sunni but I lied to them and told them I'm Shiite as my name is not related to any sect , so they wouldn't find out. What tears my heart apart that I got insulted and abused verbally and physically by people from the lowest level of society and for no reason at all, just because they wanted to rub me!!!they took my handy cam and my mobile and refused to give it back to me , they stole them from me , they stole the handy cam which I worked hard for two months to afford it , I deprived my self to save money for the handy cam…and those despicable thugs stole it from me , I have never been humiliated like this before , that is so hard for me , I feel like I'm going to explode , they insulted me and rubbed me and there was nothing I could do , if I did anything they would kill me right away. That's unfair , that's too much for any man to handle , we have a famous say in Iraq (Hameeha Harameha) which is translated (who guards it steels it) , OH how true is that ….. will this ever end….but what I'm really sad about is my wife …. She is so depressed and afraid , she is very traumatized from what happened , she is having nightmares , I'm afraid that will affect her studying and exams , I don't know what to do.
40 comments:
Another day in Baghdad. What can we say? It is shame that you were treated this way; it is a further shame that we can be happy that it was no worse. Of course, if you had been caught taking pictures before, during Saddam's time, that they didn't want you to take, your treatment may have been no better, maybe worse. But it is no comfort to me to be comparing what we have allowed to happen in Baghdad to Saddam's time (and have it suffer by the comparison).
You're lucky they didn't take you and then for your family to find your body with drill holes the next day. Be thankful and to hell with the handicam and the mobile.
Just get the hell out with your wife before any one of those lowlifes (be they Mahdi Army, Interior Ministry commandos, Iraqi army, U.S. army, Al-Qaeda, Baathists) kills you. They all don't want the truth to get out. Let's just hope they all wipe each other out.
Lee C. , Iraqi Dude ;
Thank you very much for your feelings , I was so close to death , but I didn't want to put so much details in the post , But the details are what hurts the most , anyway thank god I'm alive . but unfortunatly I have no where to go.
Mohammed, I remember the first and really the only time in my life that felt real fear. The kind of fear you feel when you think you are going to die. It was not long after the virth of my second child. I put the children down for a nap, and went out for a jog. I live in the country, and the roads are not very well travelled. A man in a truck drove by, slowed down, and drove on. He came back a few minutes later and pointed something at me. It was covered with a towel, so I couldn't see it, but he claimed it was a gun. I will never, ever forget those next few minutes. To make a long story short, I persuaded him to drive off, and I immediately ran to the nearest house for assistance. But the point is, it took me quite a long time to forget that feeling of utter helplessness knowing that my life was in the hands of scum like that. I told you once in an earlier thread that I think you are a person with a precious soul. I'm so very sorry that you had to experience this ugly thing.
You are living in a dangerous world. You "knew" that already, but now you really know it. That knowledge has been painful, very, very painful. But maybe it will keep you alive. You must be smart and you must be careful.
Bridget
I know it's difficult, but you have to learn to detach. So does your wife. What goes on in the space between your ears belongs to you. Tell our wife that she has to block out these thoughts until her exams are over or the terrorists win. In your case, the terrorists are the interior ministry militia. Promise her you won't take anymore chance. You were violated and robbed. You worked for that handycam, but in the end, the handycam and cell phone are things. All sorts of stuff happens to things. You and your wife have each other.
I know you weren't able to find a place to go when you left Iraq and had to return. Perhaps now is the time to get registered with the UNHCR and US embassy to ask to immigrate for political asylum. Tell them what happened to you with the beathings and the camcorder and that you are now afraid for your life and have concern for your wife as well. Make sure they know how dire your situation is.
It's good to vent. Glad you wrote about it here.
LJM
P.S., they have increased the number of refugees from Iraq who can come to the U.S. I read Australia really needs professionals as their population is aging with nobody to take over and do jobs like being doctor and dentist. Wherever you go to apply, request refugee status and political asylum for having been a blogger (considered being a jounalist in the U.S.) and have to go with your wife.
Maybe someone in the U.S. can send Mohammed an invitation or sponsor him? Then he can join his brother in law and apply for political asylum. In a couple of months he would be able to bring over his wife. Their dental degrees are very much needed in the U.S. and they can work hard to qualify them.
My God, so many tragedies in your daily life, and this is just one Iraqi family.
Mohammed,
Thank God you're all right. Listen, I have to agree with your wife on this one. It's way too dangerous in Baghdad to go around videotaping military or police. For all they know, you could have been working for AQ in Iraq and that video would be used to identify both them and their families. I understand that you were a bit bull-headed about this, but I'm glad you eventually got home safe to your wife. It sucks they took your camera, but as others have said possessions will come and go in one's life.
*
Mohammed,
It is little compensation for your wife and yourself after your terrible experience, but some fine photos mainly from past and recent scenes in Baghdad can be found here. I hope that they help -
http://iraqpics.blogspot.com/
Thank you guys for these kind feelings , it's really nice to know that many people care this much about me , but I'd like to tell every one I'm in Iraq because I have no other approperiate chance.People thinks that it's easy to imigrate or apply to the imigration or political asylm , It's realy hard and requies sponsers.It's my dream that one day i can reach the US , althought I know it's very hard and requies much of luck.
You are so lucky, Mohammed! You absolutely did the right thing letting them rob you and mistreat you without causing a problem for them, as humiliating as it must have been. They probably would have killed you without much provocation. Don't doubt yourself... there's nothing you could have done. You handled the situation the best way you could have.
It probably helped a great deal that you have a neutral name. Those Iraqi security forces we helped train are nothing but sick murderers and thieves. The news reports I hear everyday just serve to confirm it even more for me.
If you are listed with the US embassy as a high profile target (such as a journalist writing for the US media and you are such a person with this blog) you may not need sponsors. There are organizations who help people find sponsors in various countries. I had some Polish friends who went through that process to get to Canada during the Cold War and Caritas, a Catholic organization helped them. In the US, there are organizations in every place that the US resettles people who help them. I don't know that they have individual sponsors. I can call the organization where I live and ask them what's requred if you'd like. I've read that most Iraqis coming to the US are resettling in Michigan as that's the state with the largest Iraqi community in the US. When you went to Jordan before, did you have all your documents from completion of dental school, like your transcripts and diploma?
LJM
LJM;
I can't talk about these stuff in the comments box , I have to hide my Identity , please send me an email so I can know your email address and we will discuss it there.thanks alot.
Mohammed,
I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you.
I know you are upset, but you have to count yourself very lucky. So much worse could have happened.
Jeffrey is right. Going around filming scenes in Baghdad may have sounded like a good idea, but it's also something that people like Al-Qaida have been known to do. As I warned Nabil not long ago. It's just not a safe practice right now.
Take care and don't think about buying another camera anytime soon.
LJM, the U.S. government is not taking the matter of Iraqi refugees seriously. Only 10 people, out of the supposed 7,000 Iraqi refugees to be admitted to the U.S., have arrived since March.
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/georgepacker
Most Iraqis who are reaching the U.S. are doing it by other means, like getting student visas (what Zeyad did). The downside, of course, is that not everyone can afford to pay for tuition in a U.S. college.
Good to know, I'll do some checking from my end. Thanks for the info anon. It's the least I can do.
LJM
Mohammed,
I've had guns pulled on me, but it wasn't nearly as intense as what you described. It's a terrible feeling of having no control over your life whatsoever in any given moment. I'm am so fortunate not to be living in a war zone like you are. I hope peace and security comes your way and stays with you and all the war-tormented among you. Find your strength where you can, Bro.
Mohammed, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully you and your wife recover from the trauma. I'd like to start a fund to replace your camera and phone. email me: iraqimojo@gmail.com
Those Iraqi security forces we helped train are nothing but sick murderers and thieves.
Some are, some aren't. Don't judge a tree by a few rotten apples.
Besides, the government has only been in power for eighteen months.
---
hyperion
It sounds like you are both suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which actually physically changes your body chemistry and is very very hard to deal with. I am seeing an expert for my PTSD.
For feelings of rage put your head in cold water, somewhere cold, or put something cold on it. It constricts the blood vessels and lessens the rage. Wave a fan in front of your wet head to cool off if there is no other way.
Exercise strenuously to release the tension.
Breathe very deeply and hold your breath for about 10 seconds. Keep doing this until you feel relaxed.
Read something or do something that takes your mind off of the bad memories and rage. They may still be there but get them into the background so that they are much weaker and not constantly upsetting you.
Sound is very important too. It can help you go into other states of consciousness that are healing to your body and mind. Listen to a relaxation CD or something very very relaxing.
Ask for help from your loving religious masters who have left the world. They will help you.
Place your hand (or have your partner do this) on the center of your abdomen above the belly button. This is called the solar plexus chakra. It is an energy center that connects you to others' energy. It is your power center and gives you your sense of power. You need to block this and heal it with energy that will come through you or your partner's hands if you focus on allowing loving cosmic energy to come through you from the top of your head. It also protects you to place your hand there and will make you feel safer.
Take your hand and wave it vertically in front of you, from your pelvis to your head, imagining that you are cutting any energy ties to the men who attacked you or any other bad stuff with loving cosmic energy. This will help to cut off any bad energy connections you may have with others.
If you do not already, try to see the people who hurt you as very sick and very scared little children. People who attack others are terrified. They probably suffer from PTSD also. Trauma often causes people to feel powerless and war causes trauma. Some people react to this by taking control of others and taking their power away. It helps them to feel less powerless and more powerful.
It is good that you are writing because it helps to get the feelings out, especially if you tell someone who is loving and empathetic.
I hope you're feeling better today.
PS. I hope I don't offend you when I suggest spiritual and religious remedies. I don't know how to talk about this type of thing with you. It is the key to healing though.
And in response to something you asked me before: Did I think a word could be torture? Yes, I think so. I tried to write back to you but my message did not get through for some reason.
^1. He's a dentist, I'd imagine he knows about stress.
2. A word being torture? O_o
---
hyperion
Wow, Mohammed, that was a reckless thing to do. You must have balls the size of coconuts to have the courage to wander around Baghdad with a camera! Anyhow, congratulations on your quick thinking in fooling those Ministry goons. There's not a lot of people that would have managed to smooth talk their way out so easily.
It's understandable that you're angry about what happened, and at their blatant insolence, but unfortunately it seems as if Iraq has become a land where those with the biggest guns rule. Wallah, what can you do about that? Rather focus on keeping safe and on the fact that you managed to escape from a situation where others have ended up dead. That's no small feat.
Lynnette;
Thank you very much .
Detainthis;
Sorry to hear about that happened to you too , thanks for the feelings.
Hyperion;
First of all I will never allow you to make fun of my blog guests for any reason , if you want to insult or making fun of anyone make your self a blog and do it there , you can agree or disagree but without insults or making fun.
I wish you come to Iraq/Baghdad and live as a civilian for one week and after that I'd like to see what happens to you , at that time tell me (EIGHTEEN MONTHS).
Paloma;
Thank you very much and don't care about the hyperion guy , those are great methods of relieving stress I always do most of them because you know to live in Iraq is to be stressfull every single moment , but You gave me new methods I think they will help.about the religious or spiritual things you can talk freely as I'm not fanatic , anyway thanks a lot.
Iraqi Mojo;
Thank you very much ,I'll contact you
Bruno;
Thanks alot,you are right about that , who has the bigger gun rules , and that's so sad
what is most shocking is that you are angry at loosing your camera & not at the car load of dead bodies
anon,
Don't be silly. He risked his life to show the world the dead bodies.
LJM
Shako mako Hamoody,
Look after your wife and yourself. Try and stay alive.
That was dangerous Mohammed. Think about it from the cops point of view. They're being killed at a far higher rate than U.S. soldiers. That's gotta make them paranoid as hell. Cruising Baghdad with a camera,or London with gas cans in the back window for that matter,is just asking for trouble.
My state has a three strikes law. A man with two felony convictions was arrested a few years ago for public drunkenness,a misdemeanor. His mistake was cursing the cops on the way to jail. They charged him with assault on a police officer,a felony,and he's got a life sentence now. I tell my kids to always watch their mouths around cops. You never know when you'll catch one that only wanted to be a cop to get "respect". Try to be more careful Mohammed.
There is no comparison between cops in America and in Iraq. The Iraqi police are known to be corrupt, disloyal and criminal. If they suspected Mohammed was filming for insurgents as some naive Americans have claimed here, then why do you think they let him go? They were just after the money (camera and mobile), and if they suspected Mohammed was Sunni they would have probably shot him on the spot.
Why don't you emigrate, that would be an option until things get better?
You are like those people in the death camps in WW2--surviving to tell the world of your story. I am so glad that you are alive. You and your wife. And I pray that some day you have young children who will have the luxury of being horrified by what you have endured.
The USA, my home and native land, continues to behaves like a criminal. Congress talks. We, the people, go about our lives, rarely taking time to protest or mourn. Both of which we should do every day.
Please keep your courage and your faith. One day, you will be recognized as a hero.
Kat
I feel pity for the American public, they know that something wrong is going on and their Persident or Congress is directlyor indirectly fuelling these things around the world, but they will only shed some tears or comment on it.
They don't have the guts to counter their Persident or Congress.
Have they not heard of People Power. HYPOCRATES!
Mohammed? It is late September and we haven't heard from you since June ...
Mansoor, there are 300,000,000 people in the "American public" and sadly, maybe 10% have a clue. And sir, exactly how would you have us "counter their Persident or Congress"? exactly?
Dear Mohammed and his wife,
I am really feeling very bad about the situation in iraq and where it is going. Me too my country is having a rough time SUDAN but till now things didn't get that bad.
I here ask the american fellows whose goverment action caused all this chaos in Iraq to to try and give a hand of mercy to all those who are in need in iraq.
I think it is not difficult to arrange for mohammed and all those who are like him an admission to an american university of offer them an invitation. This is the minimum a US citizen can do as an act of appology to those people who are now being killed just because they are humans.
I am sorry me my self I don't have much to help you.
I really hope I can be of any help to u.
Please pass my greetings to u strong wife, and all the left humans in Iraq
"Mansoor Alam Mallick"
He said it himself, If we left now, things would only get worse. There is no way to challenge "The president" or "Congress" First of all, the president is irrelevant, the president can only send initial forces, after that congress must approve of every action.
Then that backs back to the fact that it is futile to challenge congress. What do you expect us to do? Protest? Protest would cause even more violence. A small protest would do nothing, a large protest would end with dead body's, broken hearts, lost wages, and still, nothing changed.
I am so sorry that this is going on, over here sometimes the worst that hapens is a trafic ticket or a towed car. I cannot imagine your life. Please be strong
my heart goes out to you
You should think of moving to Canada.
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/index.asp
Peace to you all.
Susan
PTSD is an anxiety disorder that is related to surviving a traumatic event, in which you feel your life or someone else's life is threatened. These events can be catastrophic, such as natural disasters, terrorist attacks, and war zones. Often times the event may be more individualized, such as a serious car accident, physical or sexual abuse, or animal attack. http://www.buy-xanax-online-now.com/
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